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The hilarious search for the most mediocre chain restaurant in America.
Host Michael Ornelas hits places like IHOP, Texas Roadhouse, & Buca di Beppo to find the perfect 5 out of 10 "fine" dining experience.
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Episode 1
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We Found the Greatest Server in the World at Outback Steakhouse
Episode 2
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Why Garrett Will Never Return to Buffalo Wild Wings
Episode 3
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The Haunting of The Old Spaghetti Factory
Episode 4
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Drunk Boomers, Affairs, and Break-Ups at Islands Fine Burgers & Drinks
Episode 5
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Denny's at 2AM is Pure Chaos
Episode 6
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The Pizza Hut You Grew Up With is Dead
Episode 7
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Perfectly Adequate: Our Olive Garden Musical
Episode 8
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"Officer Hot Dog" Pulls Michael Over at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.
Episode 9
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Fantasy Birthday Brawl at Gyu-Kaku
Episode 10
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The $100 Tip at Rainforest Cafe
Episode 11
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Joel McHale Voices Our Review of Bob's Big Boy's Famous Chili Spaghetti feat. Joel McHale & Michael's Mom
Episode 12
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Midnight Waffle House is Wild feat. Jerry Springer
Episode 13
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Michael Ruins His Alaskan King Crab at Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen
Episode 14
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The Chuy's Kids Menu Situation is Dogsh*t
Episode 15
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Our Lowest Score Ever at GattiTown: A Tale of Two Gatti's
Episode 16
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Luby's Gives Off Strong Nursing Home Vibes
Episode 17
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Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen: Greasy & Fussy
Episode 18
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We Took a Teenager to Chuck E. Cheese's feat. Chris Hansen & Emma Danger
Episode 19
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The Hooter Bowl feat. Bonnie Gordon & Noah Gray
Episode 20
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CheeseGate at Chevys Fresh Mex
BONUS EPISODE​
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20 Restaurants: The Current Scoreboard
Episode 21
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Analysis Paralysis at The Cheesecake Factory feat. Colin Mochrie
Episode 22
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"The Cleavage Effect" at Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que
Episode 23
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Literal Eternity at Benihana
Episode 24
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Red Lobster: Soaked in Butter feat. Casey Adler
Episode 25
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Applebee's: The Most Mediocre Restaurant in America (So Far) feat. Alan Tudyk
Episode 26
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The Cinnabon Injunction feat. Jessa Day
Episode 27
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We Drove to LAX to Eat Airport Planet Hollywood feat. Steve Moulton
Episode 28
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Romano's Macaroni Grill's New Bread Recipe Can F Right Off
January Patreon Exclusive
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Rudy's Bar-B-Que
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
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The boys track down JUB and ask him some questions | Michael sings his love for Rudy's DESPITE them only qualifying as a "fast casual" dining experience in a brand new country song | The first double dip as Michael & Garrett review both the barbecue and the breakfast tacos the following morning | Bird conspiracies | Garrett is dubbed "The Meat Market"
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February Patreon Exclusive
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Fuddruckers
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael and Garrett are once again in the Bay Area to visit the last Fuddruckers in all of California | Ostrich, elk, buffalo, and Kobe beef, are all meat options here | Do we have another haunted restaurant? The upstairs is definitely spooky. | JUB acquires frog DNA! | Listen to our new segment: Yelp From Strangers, highlighting the wildest Yelp reviews from the location we went to!​
March Patreon Exclusive
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Portillo's feat. Alex Borstein (Family Guy, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, & Mad TV)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Alex Borstein obliterates Michael for his hot dog preference | Michael raps like Eminem | How Portillo's fought back against Mike Ditka | Garrett gets lost in Flavorvana | JUB drives the Beef Bus
April Patreon Exclusive
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Panda Inn
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael attends a live UFC event… while at the table | Garrett feels a way about NOT getting racially profiled | The boys get shut out of the night’s birthday celebration | Find out which weirdo insists on eating the edamame skin
Latest Episode:
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Season 2 Episode 1: The Melting Pot feat. Rhyan Schwartz
In this episode of "Fine" Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
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â—‹ The Melting Pot is in the midst of a renaissance, with ambitious expansion goals
â—‹ Michael details the changes moving into the new season
â—‹ Learn about the history of the franchise in Eat Deets (fka Resty Fact Round-Up)
â—‹ Guest host Rhyan Schwartz gives Michael someone to eat all the cheese that our host refuses to touch
â—‹ Michael rebrands cheese to ch**se
○ Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius the XIV shares his wealth of knowledge to give The Melting Pot advice on their wall art
â—‹ The Melting Pot is sending mixed signals to platonic friends
â—‹ A battle between servers has Michael & Rhyan asking What's Going On Over There?
â—‹ Panic sets in as the stress involved with timing your meat-cooking is Way Too Much
â—‹ The most patriotic 5-star Yelp review ever in this week's Yelp from Strangers
â—‹ Stay tuned to the very end...there may or may not be a post-credits scene
May Patreon Exclusive
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Burbank Town Center Food Court
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat one dish each from NINE different establishments | The history of mall food courts in this week's Resty Fact Round-Up | Garrett eats raw hot dogs...??? | Disaster Sushi is upon us | JUB's mad at what his new passion project has become | A hide & seek champion is going on over there
Episode 30
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Medieval Times:
Knights On Strike
Episode 29
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More Margarita Than Man at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville
BONUS EPISODE
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The LA County Fair Part 1
Patreon 1-Hour Preview
Episode 31
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ASMR Spooning at Sizzler
feat. VyVy Nguyen
Episode 32
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A Suit of Pokemon Cards: Technically Meeting the Dress Code at Mastro's Ocean Club
Episode 33
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Shakey's Pizza Parlor Has a Crab Problem feat. Zeus Benitez
Episode 34
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All Garlic Everything at The Stinking Rose
June Patreon Exclusive
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LA County Fair
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett hit up the LA County Fair for some crazy deep-fried food and a carny atmosphere | They cover the history of the LA County Fairgrounds, which has an upsetting role as the site of a Japanese-American concentration camp during World War II and an Italian/German P.O.W. camp afterwards | The boys get their palms read | Garrett seeks out a Christian puppet show | Seductive snakes bare it all at The Shed | PIG RACING! <3 | The saga of Milk Steve the Cream Lord takes a tragic turn | Roid raging 24-Hour Fitness salespeople | A free full hour of an otherwise Patreon-exclusive episode!
Episode 35
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Twin Peaks: The Revenge Breastaurant feat. Emma Danger
July Patreon Exclusive
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McDonald's (Grimace's Birthday!)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat inside a McDonald's that doesn't know what it wants to be | Learn the origins of the Grimace, and even watch his first commercial | You can also watch The Hamburglar's first commercial. It's...certainly not okay | Garrett eats The Grimace's Birthday Meal three times before we record this episode | JUB can't make the Great Wall of China, but he'll make any other kind of wall | The return of the Murder Hallway | The boys scarf down their meals and it's WAY TOO MUCH | No apple pies?! | The Grimace Birthday Shake is pretty solid, and apparently changes its flavor depending on the presence of fries | An employee takes a speaker-phone call in the middle of the dining area
SPECIAL EPISODE
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Septemburger Has Arrived!!
Episode 36
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Red Robin feat. John Angeli
Episode 37
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Umami Burger's Rise & Fall & Slight Re-Rise
(Septemburger #1 Seed)
Episode 36
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Red Robin feat. John Angeli
Episode 38
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Johnny Rockets & the Heavy
Chair Heist
August Patreon Exclusive
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Burger King
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat inside the Burger King Marty McFly skateboards past in the beginning of the first Back to the Future movie | Lots of talk about the King mascot and its many incarnations throughout the years | Burger King's Got Talent? | JUB will coach you for the aforementioned talent show | The Chicken Fries box is a sauce toilet | While the food doesn't cut it, the ambience hits nostalgically | These special little boys wear cardboard crowns because they're adults and they can do what they want | Garrett's manic "I'm moving apartments and over-caffeinating" energy is WAY TOO MUCH for Michael
September Patreon Exclusive
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Septemburger Semi-Finals & Finals!
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Septemburger ran for the past month on the standard podcast RSS feed, and y'all got to witness the following burger brawls: Applebee's eked past Fuddruckers, Islands Fine Burgers & Drinks trounced Bob's Big Boy, Umami Burger defeated Johnny Rockets, Outback Steakhouse clipped Red Robin's wings | Now? It's time for the big boys to play. Applebee's brings the Whisky Bacon Burger to the table to go toe to toe with Islands' Hawaiian Burger, while Outback's Bloomin' Burger tries to beat Umami's Bacon Ranch Burger. | Michael & Garrett score the semi-final matches |An update about the Boomers Gone Wild at Islands | JUB's not ready! | Applebee's vs. Islands | Outback vs. Umami | THE FINALS OF SEPTEMBURGER as the first annual winner is announced! | A very special burger-specific Headline Game to determine next month's Patreon restaurant
Episode 39
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Marie Callender's Restaurant & Bakery: DILF Depot
October Patreon Exclusive
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Dave's Hot Chicken feat. Michael's Mom!
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael accidentally deleted the entire first recording for this episode, so Michael's Mom calls in for a phone interview | Dave's is by far the fastest growing restaurant chain in America right now | Michael eats the hottest spice level of chicken Dave's has to offer live during the recording. It was a bad idea... | What's Going On Over There where there are two differently-set, color-coded thermostats on the wall | The fire extinguisher gag is an actual fire hazard | Atmosphere that feels like a Nickelodeon show | Michael's Mom borrows the rubber chicken and squeaks it around the restaurant | It's JUB, not SNUB
Episode 40
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TGI Fridays the 13th: Season Finale
