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January Patreon Exclusive
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Rudy's Bar-B-Que
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
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The boys track down JUB and ask him some questions | Michael sings his love for Rudy's DESPITE them only qualifying as a "fast casual" dining experience in a brand new country song | The first double dip as Michael & Garrett review both the barbecue and the breakfast tacos the following morning | Bird conspiracies | Garrett is dubbed "The Meat Market"
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February Patreon Exclusive
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Fuddruckers
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael and Garrett are once again in the Bay Area to visit the last Fuddruckers in all of California | Ostrich, elk, buffalo, and Kobe beef, are all meat options here | Do we have another haunted restaurant? The upstairs is definitely spooky. | JUB acquires frog DNA! | Listen to our new segment: Yelp From Strangers, highlighting the wildest Yelp reviews from the location we went to!​
March Patreon Exclusive
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Portillo's feat. Alex Borstein (Family Guy, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, & Mad TV)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Alex Borstein obliterates Michael for his hot dog preference | Michael raps like Eminem | How Portillo's fought back against Mike Ditka | Garrett gets lost in Flavorvana | JUB drives the Beef Bus
April Patreon Exclusive
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Panda Inn
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael attends a live UFC event… while at the table | Garrett feels a way about NOT getting racially profiled | The boys get shut out of the night’s birthday celebration | Find out which weirdo insists on eating the edamame skin
Latest Episode:
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April 2024: Shari's Restaurant & Pies feat. Emma Danger
In this episode of "Fine" Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
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Michael hits the road to travel to San Francisco to re-unite with his cousin Emma Danger and hit a classic diner joint in the process: Shari's Restaurant & Pies!
May Patreon Exclusive
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Burbank Town Center Food Court
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat one dish each from NINE different establishments | The history of mall food courts in this week's Resty Fact Round-Up | Garrett eats raw hot dogs...??? | Disaster Sushi is upon us | JUB's mad at what his new passion project has become | A hide & seek champion is going on over there
June Patreon Exclusive
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LA County Fair
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett hit up the LA County Fair for some crazy deep-fried food and a carny atmosphere | They cover the history of the LA County Fairgrounds, which has an upsetting role as the site of a Japanese-American concentration camp during World War II and an Italian/German P.O.W. camp afterwards | The boys get their palms read | Garrett seeks out a Christian puppet show | Seductive snakes bare it all at The Shed | PIG RACING! <3 | The saga of Milk Steve the Cream Lord takes a tragic turn | Roid raging 24-Hour Fitness salespeople | A free full hour of an otherwise Patreon-exclusive episode!
July Patreon Exclusive
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McDonald's (Grimace's Birthday!)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat inside a McDonald's that doesn't know what it wants to be | Learn the origins of the Grimace, and even watch his first commercial | You can also watch The Hamburglar's first commercial. It's...certainly not okay | Garrett eats The Grimace's Birthday Meal three times before we record this episode | JUB can't make the Great Wall of China, but he'll make any other kind of wall | The return of the Murder Hallway | The boys scarf down their meals and it's WAY TOO MUCH | No apple pies?! | The Grimace Birthday Shake is pretty solid, and apparently changes its flavor depending on the presence of fries | An employee takes a speaker-phone call in the middle of the dining area
August Patreon Exclusive
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Burger King
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael & Garrett eat inside the Burger King Marty McFly skateboards past in the beginning of the first Back to the Future movie | Lots of talk about the King mascot and its many incarnations throughout the years | Burger King's Got Talent? | JUB will coach you for the aforementioned talent show | The Chicken Fries box is a sauce toilet | While the food doesn't cut it, the ambience hits nostalgically | These special little boys wear cardboard crowns because they're adults and they can do what they want | Garrett's manic "I'm moving apartments and over-caffeinating" energy is WAY TOO MUCH for Michael
September Patreon Exclusive
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Septemburger Semi-Finals & Finals!
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Septemburger ran for the past month on the standard podcast RSS feed, and y'all got to witness the following burger brawls: Applebee's eked past Fuddruckers, Islands Fine Burgers & Drinks trounced Bob's Big Boy, Umami Burger defeated Johnny Rockets, Outback Steakhouse clipped Red Robin's wings | Now? It's time for the big boys to play. Applebee's brings the Whisky Bacon Burger to the table to go toe to toe with Islands' Hawaiian Burger, while Outback's Bloomin' Burger tries to beat Umami's Bacon Ranch Burger. | Michael & Garrett score the semi-final matches |An update about the Boomers Gone Wild at Islands | JUB's not ready! | Applebee's vs. Islands | Outback vs. Umami | THE FINALS OF SEPTEMBURGER as the first annual winner is announced! | A very special burger-specific Headline Game to determine next month's Patreon restaurant
October Patreon Exclusive
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Dave's Hot Chicken feat. Michael's Mom!
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael accidentally deleted the entire first recording for this episode, so Michael's Mom calls in for a phone interview | Dave's is by far the fastest growing restaurant chain in America right now | Michael eats the hottest spice level of chicken Dave's has to offer live during the recording. It was a bad idea... | What's Going On Over There where there are two differently-set, color-coded thermostats on the wall | The fire extinguisher gag is an actual fire hazard | Atmosphere that feels like a Nickelodeon show | Michael's Mom borrows the rubber chicken and squeaks it around the restaurant | It's JUB, not SNUB
November Patreon Exclusive
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Joe's Pizza vs. Famous Original Ray's Pizza feat. Joyce
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael is joined by his girlfriend Joyce as they travel to New York City to pit two Times Square pizza joints against one another! Joe's Pizza from Spider-Man 2 against Famous Original Ray's, who tries to poison Michael with sneaky ch**se on the garlic knots! | Eat Deets about Joe's Pizza tells the tale of Joe Pozzouli, who still works there and samples the wares daily | Eat Deets about Ray's (and all the people who claim to be "Ray"), and the mob ties | Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius XIV reminisces about his summers on Isla Nublar | What's Going On Over There with adding ch**se to the garlic knots?? | One of these places is much better than the other | Post-credits JUB is better than no JUB at all
December Patreon Exclusive
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KFC feat. Terral Wells
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael and his buddy Terral tolerate a meal at KFC, with some of the worst food Michael's experienced yet on the show! | Learn about the history of the franchise and its iconic founder, Col. Harland Sanders | Terral reads the Eat Deets to Michael because he's the one who looked them up | What's Going On Over There with KFC letting us know they sourced their chicken from a conglomerate? | Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius XIV is all for KFC not allowing just anyone to use their bathrooms | A dessert cake that is Way Too Much | 5 1-star reviews from the SAME PERSON in this month's Yelp from Strangers | One of the lowest-scoring restaurants so far... | No JUB??! I hope he raises hell about this...
January Patreon Exclusive
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Tchotchke of Mediocrity Recap 2024 (Part One: Outliers)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael takes a walk down memory lane, counting down (from least mediocre to most) every single restaurant on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity. In this month's Part 1 episode, I cover all of the outliers: every restaurant residing outside the Zone of Mediocrity; everything over 6.00 and everything under 4.00. Twenty-nine restaurants in total, and next month I'll cover the thirty-three *inside* the Zone of Mediocrity in order.
February Patreon Exclusive
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Tchotchke of Mediocrity Recap 2024 (Part Two: Zone of Mediocrity)
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael continues the countdown to Mid, reminiscing about all the restaurants in the Zone of Mediocrity (from least mediocre to most). Get this very special update on the current standings in the quest towards mediocrity. Thirty-three restaurants have landed in the Zone of Mediocrity but as we all know: the search continues.
March Patreon Exclusive
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Steak 'n Shake feat. Dad
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael treks it to Dallas, TX to hit what will be the #2 seed in this year's Septemburger tournament: Steak 'n Shake! But he's not going solo; Michael's Dad is the special guest this month!
April Patreon Exclusive
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Shari's Restaurant & Pies feat. Emma Danger
In this episode of Fine Dining: The Search for the Most Mediocre Restaurant in America:
Michael hits the road to travel to San Francisco to re-unite with his cousin Emma Danger and hit a classic diner joint in the process: Shari's Restaurant & Pies!